Sunday, May 23, 2010


Let's see, events last week included: Senior Grad night for our son at The Refinery Youth Group, a job on Tuesday for me out of town, our youngest daughter's band performance, our oldest daughter's choral performance, providing part of a meal that our small group served to the homeless, a trip to the divisional finals in Sacramento for our son, a bridal shower for my cousin, a graduation party for our son at our home, baptism Sunday with approximately 35 people being baptized, and attending a grad party for the son of some friends. And this coming last week of school promises more of the same. Oh, it's all good stuff, but there's just SO MUCH good stuff!

Yeah, I'm tired.

And you know what happens when I get tired, really tired? I start to see things through melancholy eyes. I find it harder to handle things, and I'm a little harder on myself than I probably should be. I begin to feel that I am sliding down into depression.

I begin to look at so much of my life and think that I just can't keep up. I can't keep up with all the people that I should keep up with (family, friends, neighbors, church members). I can't keep on top of my kid's schedules. I can't keep up with my household and family responsibilities. I can't keep on top of my job. I often can't even keep up with my thoughts that are going in a hundred different directions.

Yes, it's that haunting "all or nothing" mentality that I struggle with. If I can't keep up with everything at the level with which I think I should, then I just begin to shut down. And right now? I'm in shutdown mode.

Why do I tell you that? I'm not really sure. Maybe it's because I often have people tell me that they don't know how I do it all. Maybe it's because I'm trying to justify why I'm not keeping up with stuff. Maybe it's for sympathy. Maybe it's because I want those who struggle with the same things to know that they are not alone. Whatever the reason, it feels risky sharing with the world that I'm struggling, even though I've vowed to try to live my life authentically with my Lord and with others.

So, tonight, I need to get to bed. I need some sleep, and then I need to spend some time in the peaceful and renewing presence of the Lord. I know that those two things will help me to regain my proper perspective and will revive me. He has promised that His strength is sufficient for me, so tonight I am grateful for that promise. HE will carry me, and that's exactly what I need.


Thea Nelson said...

Gena, I could so very much relate as I read this...and was thankful I'm not alone! Thanks for this. :)

Gena said...

My dear friend, Crystal, couldn't get her comment to post, so I'm posting it for her.

Gena, I tried to post this on your blogpost WHEW! but I've never done such a thing and was overwhelmed by creating a Google account. he. he. Here it is:
Gena, I could so relate to this TOO! If I feel overly tired and busy (as I so often do and wonder how I will ever get the energy/time to load the dishwasher/take out garbage/fold laundry, etccc), I start to send myself negative messages about my inabilities to keep up with it all. That's when Satan tempts me to compare myself to others. Of course, every other mom has it all together... HA! Thanks for sharing that it's not TRUE. Thanks for sharing. Thanks for your transparency...Love, Crystal