I Wish........

I found the following courtesy of "The Organizer Lady." I wish................my family had this memorized and lived this out! :) If you are blessed enough to have young children, start training them NOW! I know it seems hard, but believe me, it doesn't get easier when they are older!

In Our Family

• In our family, we make our beds before we leave our room in the morning.
• In our family, we put dishes into the dishwasher, not the sink.
• In our family, we put what we need the next day by the front door the night before.
• In our family, we don't drop our things when we come in the door. We take them and put them where they belong.
• In our family, we put dirty clothes into the hamper as soon as we take them off.
• In our family, we take responsibility for completing the chores assigned to us.
• In our family, we don't complain about our responsibilities.
• In our family, we always flush the toilet immediately.
• In our family, we put up toys, games, tools, and stuff we are using immediately.
• In our family, we don't leave things out just because we plan to get back to the project later.
• In our family, we wash, dry, fold, and put up our clothes as one continuous job.
• In our family, we make sure all trash goes into the trash basket.
• In our family, we keep our closets and drawers neat.
• In our family, we use the team concept. Each person does his part to support all.
• In our family, we are willing to help others where necessary because we are a team.
• In our family, we talk kindly to each other.
• In our family, we think ahead to solve problems before they happen.
• In our family, we pay attention to maintaining beauty.
• In our family, we push our chairs up to the table when we leave.
• In our family, we strive to complete projects and clean up expeditiously.
• In our family, the person who uses the last sheet of toilet paper puts new roll on the roller.
• In our family, we value each other and the contribution each makes.

Late to Church

Our family usually gets to church in three different vehicles at three different times on Sunday. Since I want my children to actually love the Lord and not hate church, I only make them attend two services most of the time. I usually have the three younger kids with me on Sunday mornings, and on the way to church, we listen worship CDs to prepare our hearts for worship. We often pray for the services and for our hearts to be open to what the Lord wants to speak to each one of us. Do you believe this? If so, please stop reading right now because you are about to be disillusioned! We're just like your family; sometimes by the time we get to church, we've had it with each other!

We are usually at church in time for service. I may not walk into service until after worship has started, but that's just because I love visiting and connecting with others so much that it's hard for me to get away to be in auditorium by the time the worship team starts playing. But then there are other times. Well, let's just say that we're a typical family, and people (read that - children) don't always cooperate like we think they should. This morning was one of those mornings.

Dave had taken my youngest with him, and Hannah was going by herself because she had to leave for Sacramento immediately after second service. So that left me with the two boys. I let them sleep until about 45 minutes before it was time to leave for church. After getting them up, amazingly, they were both "ready" in about 20 minutes. Since I was still putting myself together, they went to sit in the car. I am not kidding; they sat in the car, in the garage, with the garage door closed, for 20 minutes waiting for me. Once I had everything together, I headed out to the car, pleased that my boys were ready and waiting so patiently for me.

By this time, it was about 20 minutes before service was to start - plenty of time for us to get there. I put the car in reverse to back out of the garage, and as I did so, I looked over at my son and could tell he hadn't even washed his face. My mistake was assuming that "ready" meant the same thing to both of us. You'd think I'd have learned my lesson on this by now. So, I asked my son if he had washed his face, and he said, "Yes."

Now what was I supposed to do with that because it was clear to me that he hadn't? So, I said, "Are you telling me the truth?" to which he replied, "No." I think I was supposed to feel better about it because at least he owned up to it right away. So I told him I would not leave the house until his face was washed, and of course, he was angry with me because, as we all know, it was MY fault. Then, I looked back at my other son, and I could tell he hadn't even "done" his hair (whatever that really means for boys). Last night, I had told him he needed to take a shower before church since he wasn't taking one that night. Again, I assumed that he would obediently do that since I had specifically told him to do so JUST LAST NIGHT! He was also wearing a wrinkled t-shirt that was actually clean, but it had been wadded up when he put his clean clothes away in his drawer.

So, I put the car into park and told the boys that I wouldn't leave until they had both done everything it takes to be fully "ready" for church. I also did the typical mother thing and said, "At your ages, I should NOT have to ask you every stinkin' morning if you've washed your face (or brushed your teeth, or made your bed, or put on clean clothes - insert what you want here). So, now I have two boys who are angry with me because I am asking them to do what I consider to be NORMAL, EVERYDAY, GET-READY STUFF!

Both boys got out of the car (can't you just hear the car doors slamming?) and headed back into the house. They proceeded to tell me to go to church by myself and they would just stay home. Well, in my opinion, that would have been letting them off way too easily, so I told them that they WOULD go to church and that we'd leave whenever they were ready.

At this point, I was their favorite person in the whole, wide world! NOT! Anyway, we didn't even leave our house until 7 minutes after service had started, and it was a silent ride for the most part. Finally, we arrived at church and both boys exited the car, put their hands in their pockets, and walked off towards the youth room, with nary a "Goodbye," or even a shrug to me. Ah, the joys of parenting.

I gathered my Bible and purse and headed towards the auditorium not looking forward to having to walk in late. I realized, however, that there was an up side to arriving after the service had started; I got into auditorium much more quickly because there was no one to stop and have conversations with on the way in. :-)

What Are Your Kids Up To?

I'd like to say that I'm always aware of what my kids are doing, seeing, and hearing, but truth be told, that's an impossibility in this day and age. With the continual advancement in technology, it is getting harder and harder for parents to oversee who their children are talking, texting, emailing, facebooking, myspacing, and instant messaging to. As if parenting weren't already the most difficult job, we parents now have to find time to check our child's My Space, their phones, their ipods, their email, their web history, and so on. I'm sure I'm missing things even in that list, but what is a parent to do?  There simply are not enough hours in the day for us to keep on top of all those avenues. 

I have read Vicki Courtney's Logged on and Tuned Out book, and it was a wonderful resource that I highly recommend, but even if I could keep up with all of these technologies and what my child is doing with them, I cannot patrol each of their friends phones and computers.  What is downloaded onto ipods and shown during break and lunch at junior highs and high schools would appall most people if they knew about it.  What once could only be obtained through sneaky store expeditions and dark alleys is now being poured right into our home and lives.  

Even if I keep an eye on where my children are physically (which I do), they are at risk of being in danger because of the technology today that is present even in my own home.  I can install filters, I can monitor computer use, I can check phone records and texts, and I can log onto their myspace page using their passwords, and I could still miss what's really going on.  Face it, our kids can hide just about anything from us if they want to and they are intelligent enough to just create other profiles, email accounts, etc.... if they want to keep things from us.  I know that, but I still ask and check.  

I find this extremely disturbing, and I am genuinely concerned for my children.  In truth, I wonder how any child today can remain pure in thought and deed.  Most of our children will know more about pornography, sexual acts and fantasies, illicit drug use, and gambling by the time they graduate from school than most of us probably know right now.  

I don't intend to be all doom and gloom, but my heart is aching over what is infiltrating our children's minds, hearts, and lives.   The video below is worth taking the time to watch if you have children, and it is probably something you should have your older children watch with you.  Children and teenagers often don't have the mental reasoning skills to understand how some of the choices they make today may have long lasting impacts on their lives.  The photos they posted on their myspace could keep them from getting a job someday.  That provocative photo sent to a friend as a joke could be sent to every student's phone by lunch break.  

A huge problem right now is cyber-bullying.  This was a heartbreaking issue for some friends of ours, and we saw first hand the damage it can do.  If you thought kids could be ruthless with their words in person, you should read what they are able to come up with and perpetuate via technology.   Absolute lies are spread around (and you can bet they are not little, nice white lies either), and photos that may not even by your child can be photo-shopped to look like your child engaged in various positions and acts.  How very sad is that?  This is a very real problem, and if you don't think so, just start asking some students about it.

Below is a video worth taking the time to watch.  Something that seemed so little, so inconsequential, and so private ended up becoming very public and costing a beautiful young girl her life.  I am heartbroken, and I hope you will continually lift our young people up before the Lord in prayer.  If possible, befriend our youth and take an interest in them.  Recognize their value and speak that to them.  Provide a safe place for them to turn to in time of crisis or fear.  Our young people need us to stand in the gap for them, to protect them, and to fight for their right to be raised without fear and filth.

Visit msnbc.com for Breaking News, World News, and News about the Economy

Abusive Use of Power

I have a confession to make.  I sometimes (okay, maybe often) abuse my power as a mother.  Yes, I do.  

I do such abusive things as require my children to make their beds; GASP!  I assign morning and evening chores to each of my children; now you see why having four children is a blessing to me.  :-)   I ask my children to help with things like bringing in and putting away the groceries.  I make my children apologize to one another when they have wronged another family member by their attitude or actions.  I've been known to lock my children outside the back door (twice) until they can settle their squabble because I didn't think I should be in the middle of it and I had no patience for it (this not only saved me, but probably them as well!).  I've abused my power by asking one of my children to get me something (the newspaper, a drink, a pencil, etc...) after just sitting down and finding myself too tired to get back up to obtain said item myself.  Shocking, I know!   

However, in the last couple of weeks, I've really outdone myself.  Brace yourselves; the confession is coming..........I've made my children watch episodes of the first season of "The Waltons!"  

I can just hear the murmurs now, "Psssst.....did you hear what Pastor Dave's wife did?"  "Oh, yes she did!"  "Can you believe it?"

Yes, I did ask my children to watch The Waltons with me, and although they won't tell you this....they liked it.  Well, they did give me the obligatory, "Do we have to?"  but they do that about a lot of things.  Anyway, when I saw the "The Waltons" on Netflix, I thought, "Hey, that would be a good summertime program to watch as a family."  

I have fond memories of watching "The Waltons," and I realize that dates me, but I'm not hiding my age from anyone anyway.  I loved that it was set during the depression era; I empathized with not having any money.  I loved that the family worked through things together.  I loved that John Walton (not to be confused with John Boy) stood up for his family.  I loved the way the grandpa and grandma "quarreled" with one another.  I loved the lessons taught by each episode.

I began to think that those things would be great for my children to experience this summer instead of using their TV time to watch shows which I often think run high on "entertainment" and low on "life lessons."  So, I added "The Waltons" to my queue on Netflix and secretly waited for the disc to arrive.  

When the familiar, red Netflix envelope appeared in the mail, the children excitedly open it only to ask the following questions:  "Hey, who ordered this?"  "What is this?"   "Do we have to watch this?"  "Can we send it back?"  

Yes, I have delightful and passive children who always lovingly oblige to what I request of them.  NOT!

Anyway, we began with the first episode while having our "pizza picnic" on the living room floor.  Yes, the opening of the show is WAAAAYYY longer than the opening of today's TV shows.  Yes, the show does seem to move slowly at times (which is part of why I like it).  Yes, the special effects are often corny by today's standards.  And yes, (are you ready?)  my children have slowly been captured by the characters and the story lines.  DON'T TELL THEIR FRIENDS!  :-)

So, I imagine we will slowly work our way through the rest of season one only to move on to season two.  It will take a while and I don't want to overdose my children (because that would REALLY qualify as abuse), but I simply love the values and lessons that are taught through the lives of this large family that lived on a mountain during the depression.  

Yes, I've abused my power as a mother, but I do believe my children will thank me for it later (or at least they will have one more thing to make fun of me about when they are with their friends).

How to Know Where Grace Lives

I was looking through my collected quotations tonight (for journal starters for class), and came across these sayings. I thought I'd share them with you. May your home be where grace lives.

How to Know Where Grace Lives

* All the neighborhood kids want to hang out at the house where grace
lives.

* There is always enough for one more where grace lives....one more for
dinner....one more to sleep over....one more hug....one more kiss.

* You can see people dancing where grace lives.

* You can hear things like, "Please forgive me, I was wrong....You are my
treasure..."

* The eyes of the children where grace lives shine with joy and anticipation. They have not been wounded by impossible expectations. They have not been distanced by rejection. They have been embraced and accepted and loved.

* The moms at the houses where grace lives are just regular, everyday moms,
but God lives inside them. By His power, they are becoming holy and righteous
and good. They stumble but recover quickly. They make mistakes but say, "I'm
sorry." They get blown by the winds of heartache and adversity, but their hearts remain tender toward God.

Food for Thought for Parents

Consider your child's request to tell him a story
or read him a book, not as an interruption, but as
the most honored invitation you will ever receive.
Robert Schuller

The Cost of Christmas

I ran across this table this morning in an email sent to me by DebtBusters. I thought it was thought provoking, and I have tried to get my children to see the real cost of things they want by translating the cost into the number of hours or the number of jobs that they would have to "work" for me to earn enough for whatever it is that they want. This really comes in handy when speaking about the cost of "designer" clothing items versus a non-designer item. :-) To be honest, brand-name clothing isn't much of an issue in my home, thank goodness, but there are items (video games, CDs, etc...) that the kids want now and again, and I think it's good if they know the real cost in time and energy it takes to earn that item. So, here's something for you to ponder:

In the Moment

Excerpt from Anna Quindlen's All My Babies are Gone Now: 

"...But the biggest mistake I made is the one that most of us make while doing this. I did not live in the moment enough. This is particularly clear now that the moment is gone, captured only in photographs. There is one picture of the three of them, sitting in the grass on a quilt in the shadow of the swing set on a summer day, ages 6, 4 and 1. And I wish I could remember what we ate, and what we talked about, and how they sounded, and how they looked when they slept that night. I wish I had not been in such a hurry to get on to the next thing: dinner, bath, book, bed. I wish I had treasured the doing a little more and the getting it done a little less."

I think all mothers (parents) probably feel this way, but what if we could grab hold of this truth and really live it?  I don't know about you, but I need to be "in the moment," much more, and I do believe it will take the power of the Holy Spirit to transform my mind to truly grasp this concept and live it out.  I am praying for this, and tomorrow I have a chance to try living this out as we travel together to visit another church as a family and then spend some time with my mom, step-dad, sisters, brothers-in-law, and nieces and nephew, for "Family Time Sunday."   

"Logged On and Tuned Out"

I recently read a book called, "Logged On and Tuned Out," and I recommend that every parent with children on the internet get this book and read it. My oldest two children are on the computer for school assignments and email pretty regularly (not to mention myspace and facebook), and I have two smaller ones that have yahoo email accounts and like to look up information about their favorite cartoon characters or what have you.

I'm one of those moms that has a myspace just so I can keep up with what my kids are up to. In fact, if you check my myspace (which Hannah originally filled in for me), it says that everything (such as my favorite music, etc...) is "Whatever Hannah and Eric like." Where it says, "My reason for being on myspace," Hannah wrote...."To make sure none of Hannah's and Eric's friends are stalkers." :-) I will have my kids log in under their names so that I can check their emails (incoming and sent) and I check their spaces every couple of weeks. I also check their friends myspaces.

However, I learned A LOT from reading this new book by Vicky Courtney, "Logged On and Tuned Out." When I first saw the title, I thought she must be talking about our children who are oblivious to everything else when they are logged on, but the title actually refers to the parents that are tuned out to what their kids are doing, or are exposed to, on the internet. And believe me, most parents don't even know the half of it! Even though I have been a parent who checks things, I learned so much through the chapters of this easy-to-read Christian book filled with valuable and insightful information.

If you have children on the internet (or computer), I recommend you get this book or borrow it from me. We live in a different world, and although we would like to shield our children from the computer or internet because of our concerns, they will leave our homes and have to make their way in a world where the internet/computer is an integral part of their lives. I would like to try to train them about wise usage while they are still in my home under my teaching and example.

You can also check out Vicky's website by clicking here.

Just some food for thought tonight.

Of Cleats and Such

It happened. Today, I utterly failed one of my children, and I had to look in tear-filled little eyes and tell my youngest daughter that the current situation was all my fault. We were sitting there on her closet floor looking eye-to-eye - she saying that she was sorry she couldn't remember where something was so she was going to be late, and I saying that I didn't come through on my responsibility to buy some equipment/supplies for her. It seemed so simple: youngest daughter needed new cleats for her soccer practice by today at 5:00 PM. Now mind you, I knew she needed cleats since the end of last week, and somewhere in my magical thinking I must have thought they would just show up. Even this morning, I knew I needed to get her cleats before practice. But....sometimes life happens, and in certain moments, it grows into this unwieldy and far-reaching monster.

I left for work today at 7:20 AM and didn't get home until 4:00 PM. My neighbor brought my son home from school, and we were discussing how we would work tomorrow morning's carpool. My son was upset about a project and HAD to show me his papers right then (with much angst in his voice and demeanor). Kari had forgotten that she had practice, so she was doing her homework without a thought in the world about getting ready for practice.

My husband had been in an all day meeting, and when he arrived home (about 4:45 PM), the two of us were trying to brief each other on the big things that had happened. All the while, the phone was ringing, and the kids were buzzing in and around us. Then in the middle of a sentence, it hit me....."It's 4:55, and my daughter isn't dressed, and I haven't bought the cleats, and her coach said the kids were NOT to be late!"

If you know my youngest (a driven, anxious, Type A girl), you will understand that when she realized the situation, she was in agony. She took her coach's words seriously (and the coach surely looked serious when she said them)that the girls were to arrive early for practice so that when she (the coach) stepped on the field at 5:00 PM, they would be ready and waiting. (I know soccer should be fun, and it will be when they actually start playing, but Kari is the new girl on a team that has been together for a while, so she doesn't really feel she belongs. Therefore, she is even more driven to do everything perfectly.) Anyway, Kari wasn't dressed, didn't have her bag packed, didn't have her water bottle, and most importantly, she didn't have any shoes to wear! She started frantically searching for her soccer socks, and of course, they were no where to be found. Then, in her anxious struggle, she couldn't find her shin guards. She felt the pressure to be dressed and at practice in exactly five minutes which was impossible because we hadn't even been to the store to buy her cleats yet.

And this was the moment when I felt that I had utterly failed her. I knew how important this was to her. I saw her crumble against her closet door, crying, taking all the responsibility for the situation on herself because she wasn't dressed and couldn't find her shin guards. She kept apologizing for moving her shin guards to another place and forgetting where she had stashed them. As plump, round tears rolled down her hot cheeks, she apologized for not putting her water bottle in the refrigerator last night.

To be honest, it felt like my heart was literally breaking inside my chest. I sat down in front of her and told her that it was my fault, not hers. I knew she had practice, and I forgot to remind her after school; I didn't manage my time well to make sure I got her where she needed to be in time; I didn't get the cleats last weekend because we had two birthday parties and school starting, and I just didn't think it all through; I let the busyness of a school afternoon take precedence over something that was of utmost importance to my daughter. And now she was paying the price. I sat there not really knowing what to do next. I knew that it really wouldn't work for her to get to the practice late because there would be a price for her to pay publicly before the team, and it just didn't seem fair that she would have to carry that when it wasn't her fault. Not to mention, at the first practice, we had to tell her coach that she would miss the second practice because we had scheduled her birthday party for the same day and time before getting the soccer practice schedule. So, my youngest already felt she let the team down and even more so now. For my daughter, that was the crushing weight caused her to crumble in front of me.

I know things happen. I know I've made plenty of other mistakes and will make some whoppers in the future. I know I'm not perfect, and I can live with that. But when failure to plan on my part so affects my child......well, that hurts me deeply.

But then........I had a few quiet moments because Dad stepped in and took her to get the elusive cleats, I sensed that the unexpected free time that missing practice would provide was exactly what we needed. Sometimes, we just need to breathe, to be, to step outside of the craziness and realize that we should be in control of our activities, not the other way around. As a result of our afternoon meltdown, priorities changed, and I became aware of the holy in the common. I didn't cook dinner tonight, but I did help my son with his project. We didn't have my daughter's cleats, but we did re-assure her of our love. My daughter had some one-on-one time with Dad, and she was able to finish her homework. We were all home (even the two high-schoolers!), and that in itself is a comforting thing. Everyone went to bed on time (except me, of course), and tomorrow is a new day filled with all of the grace and mercy that we will need. I am so thankful for God's promise that He gives strength to us, and blesses us with peace. (Ps: 29-11) I will sleep with a sense of peace tonight because in the midst of the chaos, He is with us and His grace is sufficient. O, how I thank Him for His faithfulness!

Authentic Parenting-Part 4

Hello everyone!


If you'd like to read an excerpt from the book, click here.

To purchase, click here. I think you'll find that it is a pretty quick and thought-provoking read, so you'll want to underline as you go along. I thought I'd give you glimpse into a couple of the thoughts that I underlined while reading:

Page 42- "So through the jumble of parenting in a shifting culture, cling to Jesus' simple truth. Seek His kingdom. Trust. Dare not to be anxious. Point your children to the life of Christ residing dynamically within you."

Page 53- "A friend of mine has a dear son named Jacob who lives with a brain injury. The few times I've seen him, I have met pieces of Jesus. (Gena here: that is just a GREAT sentence!) He understands the gospel in a simple way yet more profoundly than I ever will. [His mother, Jeanne,] shares stories about him on her blog....."The most remarkable thing about Jacob now is his faith, which radiates from him with such intensity one can only wonder what fellowship he shared with his Father during those months of darkness.....I sensed God speaking to my heart and asking me what I wanted most for my children. I answered, "That when they stand in Your presence, You will say, "Well done, good and faithful servant." God reminded me how Jacob's faith touches so many. It was as though he said, "Jacob is my good and faithful servant. I'm satisfied in him. I want you to be too." As parents we aspire to great things for our kids. Jacob taught me to keep my eye on the one most important goal."
[Author Mary DeMuth again] That's what bothers me about all the pontificating. It's as if we've lost Jesus in the midst of our very intellectual discussions about postmodernity. We've divorced ourselves from modern tradition, from Scriptural authenticity. But instead of being anchored, we float around discussing paradigms and community and mystery. We use lots of really smart words to define Christianity. We make it appealing to thinkers while Jacob flings his arms heavenward and simply adores his Saviour.

Page 192- If I were to summarize the way most of us parent our children, I would have to say this: We primarily parent-and dare I say live our lives-to reduce pain and increase properity. We protect our children from the radical call of Christ because, to be honest,truly following after His kingdom messes with our plans. It's difficult. Painful.....But as Bonhoffer says, "When Christ calls a man, he bids him come and die."

Page 211 - To worship God is a profoundly countercultural task because it deals a decisive blow to our selfishness.

Page 214 - So much pressure exists for parents to produce perfect children that we unwittingly pressure our children to follow harder after rules than after Jesus.

Meet Mary and read her crazy blog here.

Authentic Parenting-Part 3

As promised, today I'm sharing an interview with Mary DeMuth.




Mary, aren’t there already a bazillion parenting books out there? Why did you feel the need to write this book?

Yes, I do believe there are a bazillion. I always struggle when I write a parenting book because I feel so darned small and weak. I don’t parent perfectly. But, we did live through two and half years in France, the hotbed of hyper-postmodernity. We had to learn how to parent our kids in that culture. It occurred to me that the things we learned would be helpful to American parents too.

Briefly, what does the term postmodern mean, and why should it matter to us as parents?

Postmodernism is the waiting room between what used to be a modern worldview and what will be. According to several postmodern scholars, we’re in a shift right now, leaving modern ideas behind, but what we are shifting to is not yet fully defined.

Postmoderns believe that rationalism and/or more education doesn’t necessarily create a better society. They typically don’t embrace the notion of absolute truth, though they reach for the transcendent. They are skeptical, and often question whether science is something to be embraced or feared.

The question for parents is how will we mine the current worldview, even as it shifts? What in it can we embrace as biblical? What is not biblical? What I’ve seen in the church is a fearful adherence to what is familiar. So we cling to modern ideas, even though they may not be biblical and shun postmodern ideas even when they might be biblical. Our children will meet this shifting worldview no matter what our opinion of it is.

How can we as parents help our children prepare for the world outside their door?

Become a conversational parent. Talk to your kids. Listen. Share your story.
Dare to believe that God has much to teach you through your kids. Be humble enough to learn from them.
Create a haven for your kids, an oasis in your home that protects, supports, and gives kids space to be themselves. Take seriously the mandate that you are responsible for the soul-nurturing of your children.
Teach your children to joyfully engage their world, while holding tightly to Jesus’ hand. Teaching this comes primarily from modeling it in your own life. Do you engage your neighbors? Are you more interested in God’s kingdom than your own?
Admit your failures openly with your children, showing how much you need Jesus to live your daily life.

You are the first to admit that being authentic might require a parent to apologize after an angry outburst. I know I've had to do that a time or two. Are you saying that authentic parents don’t always have it all together as some would like to think?

Yep! We are all frail, needy humans. If we present ourselves as perfect parents, never failing, always doing this correctly, we show our children we have no need of Jesus. We also set up a standard of perfection—that to be a Christian, one has to be perfect. This can lead to our children creating elaborate facades or hiding behind masks. I’d rather have my children see that even mommies make mistakes. Even mommies need Jesus every single day.

You talk about the twin values of engagement and purity. What do you mean by that?

Many parents subconsciously believe that true parenting means protection at any cost. We received a lot of flak for putting our children in French schools because the atmosphere there wasn’t exactly nurturing. Believe me, the decision was excruciating. But through it all, I realized that Jesus calls us all to be engaged in the culture we live in, yet not to be stained by it. That’s the beauty of engagement and purity.

Abraham understood this. After God told him to leave everything and venture to a new place, he obeyed: “From there he went on toward the hills east of Bethel and pitched his tent, with Bethel on the west and Ai on the east. There he built an altar to the LORD and called on the name of the LORD” (Genesis 12:8). Oswald Chambers elaborates: “Bethel is the symbol of communion with God; Ai is the symbol of the world. Abraham pitched his tent between the two.” As parents journeying alongside our children through a postmodern world, this concept of pitching our tent between communion with God and engagement in the world should encourage us.

I have my own struggles with postmodernism, but what bugs you about postmodernism?

I happen to believe in absolute truth, so that’s a problem! But more than that, I worry that all our rambling about it, trying to discern what it is, has caused us to rely more heavily on our own intellectual pursuit of God than our heart. When I get caught up in that, I remind myself of my friend Jeanne’s son Jacob, whose heart after Jesus takes my breath away. Living with a brain injury, Jacob throws off pretense as he worships God, arms vaulted to the sky in unashamed heart worship. That’s the kind of believer I want to be. That’s the kind of heart I want. I love this verse: “But I am afraid that, as the serpent deceived Eve by his craftiness, your minds will be led astray from the simplicity and purity of devotion to Christ” (2 Corinthians 11:3). For me, for my children, that’s my prayer, that we’d be simply and purely devoted to Jesus no matter what worldview we find ourselves in.

Thanks, Mary, for your thoughtful answers and your time.

Authentic Parenting-Part 2

After reading the book, Authentic Parenting in a Postmodern Culture - Practical Help for Shaping Your Children's Hearts, Minds, and Souls, I am encouraged and challenged in how David and I are raising our children. I am encouraged because we have lived honestly before our children and have shared openly about our faults and failures as individuals and as parents. In fact, just yesterday I had to tell my son that I haven't parented a 15 year old boy before, so perhaps he could tell me how I might do a better job. (AND I didn't say that in a sarcastic voice, it was sincere! ;-) We had a good visit, and he told me that he needs me to tell him what to do one time and set a time limit for it, and then not to bug him again. Good advice, right? So, I learned from my child, and that's one of the themes from Mary's book - children and parents must listen to one another, be honest and open-hearted with one another, and learn from one another. In other words, we need to have a CONVERSATIONAL APPROACH to life because that will serve our children best as they leave our home and venture out into a postmodern world.

I was also challenged reading this book because I was shown that I have often mistaken protection for parenting. This is such an easy thing to do, and I (and Dave) have done this with the best of intentions. Like many parents, we want our children to know the truth of Jesus, but we haven't allowed them in many situations where they've had to rely on that Truth. I want my children to absolutely love the Lord Jesus with their whole hearts, and to know their need of Him, but I've unwittingly put up barriers to that by my protection of them that was mostly motivated by fear. I don't think I'm alone in not fully trusting God with my children. We say that we've given our children back to the Lord, but we try to control so much of their lives that we are showing them (and the world) that we don't trust Him with our children.

Another thought: the term "postmodern" is thrown around a lot these days, and Mary does a good job of defining what that means. I appreciated her definitions and examples of modernity and postmodernity. She accurately points out that because our culture is shifting (not our need for Jesus or the absolute truth of His word) "and most of postmodern thought is a reaction against modernity, we're (parents) are better off if we simply try to follow Jesus in the midst of the change as we love our children." (page 26) Isn't that how we all desire to live? We want to "engage as a family in people's lives in such a way that beckons them to Jesus Christ without sacrificing our family to the world system." (page 28) Mary tells us how we can better do that.

I thought today I'd share from the back cover of the book. It says:

Tired of trite answers about family life? So are your kids.

Your children are growing up in a world that's different from the one you knew as a child. In this postmodern culture,people are discovering and living out truth in radically new ways. Mary DeMuth highlights the pitfalls of this new worldview and demonstrates how you can use its strengths to enhance your relationships with your children and prepare them to genuinely live out and effectively communicate the good news of Jesus Christ.

With her own imperfect family life as an example, Mary reveals the helpfulness of...
-engaging your kids in conversations instead of issuing ultimatums
-seeing your children's behaviors as windows into your own spiritual life
-coaching your children instead of lecturing them
-modeling the transparent, authentic lifestyle you want for your kids
-demonstrating a life of thankfulness, creativity, and service


Find out how you can use this new way of thinking to cooperate with God's work in your family and in the world.

Gena here again: Tomorrow I'll post an interview with Mary that I think you'll enjoy. Remember, we're all on this journey together, and we need to learn and grow together. I cannot be all that God designed me to be without you, and neither can my family be all that God designed us to be without your family. I am honored to be a part of God's family along with you.

Blessings to you all!