Tuesday, February 28, 2012

The Older Woman

I don't know how it happened, but all of a sudden, I am an "older woman." I guess turning 48, being married for 26 years, and having children ages 21 through 12 - well, let's just say those numbers seemed to step right up and slap me in the face!

I may be older, but surely, I'm not the "older woman" that's supposed to mentor other younger women, right? You know, the older woman that is supposed to possess wisdom gleaned through years of living as a faithful wife and loving mother; the one who supposedly knows how to make and keep a home; the one who should know and obey the still, small voice of the Lord above all others; the one who is now comfortable in her own skin; the one who has stepped beyond her doubts and anxieties into the wide open spaces of peace and contentment.

I guess what I'm saying is that older does not necessarily mean wiser or more mature, sometimes it just means older. Or at least that's how I feel. I've come to realize, though, that by simply surviving for these 48 years, I've been through some experiences and learned some things from God's word that I can now share with someone who might need to hear it.

This body of mine is showing its age, reminding me that I am not as young as I think I am. I still struggle with insecurities and feel like a little girl that doesn't know what to do at times. I often wonder if what I think I'm hearing from the Lord isn't really just my own thoughts. And Lord knows......I don't have the "keeping a house" thing down. Yep; I may have lived more days than someone else, but I sure don't feel that mature in many areas of my life.

However......in the last year, God has shown me that I have grown in maturity in some areas. I don't always see it because I'm just doing my best to live my life day by day, trying to walk in His ways. I find myself stumbling now and again, more often than I'd like sometimes. Without even realizing it, though, I have learned a few things along the way that I've adopted into my life, and there have been a few times lately when the Lord has allowed me to share those things with someone "younger" than me. These things don't seem like new thoughts, or even wise thoughts, to me when I share them, but I have seen from the look on these gals' faces that it is a new thought for them. Hmmm.....it's good to realize that just persevering on this journey of life gradually brings its own amount of wisdom - wisdom gained through time, experiences, and God's Word. I'm still here, so I guess it's to be expected that I've gained a little bit of knowledge (and hopefully some compassion) that God will use to encourage or instruct someone else.

I am simply called to humble myself before God and allow Him to work through me in whatever way He chooses. Sometimes, that means sharing a little bit about something I've gone through in life that might encourage or help someone else. I may still sometimes feel like a little girl or that I don't have it all together, but really.....I'll always feel that way on this side of heaven. And that's okay.

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