I had a great time today helping a friend organize some files at her house. What might have seemed a confusing mess to someone else, seemed like a great challenge to me.
You see, I can't keep my desk cleaned off at my house (I'm a great pile maker!), and I find it depressing to clean my house only to have it messed up again so quickly by my busy and lively family. But....put me in someone else's house, and I find great peace in organizing and cleaning things and being able to walk out knowing I am leaving something ordered and clean. It may seem strange, but this truly energizes me! I get great joy out of finding ways to streamline processes and organize systems to be more efficient. I love having things lined up and in their place, yet in my own home,when I know it won't stay that way, I have a hard time wanting to do anything.
Those of you who know me know that I have struggled with "all or nothing" thinking. Are you with me in this? I either have to have time to completely clean every nook, cranny, cupboard, drawer, baseboard, of a room, or I feel like I can't do it at all. I don't like to start anything if I'm not sure I'll have time to actually finish it. I'm sure you can understand why I don't get as much done as I'd like because with my busy and full household (there were seven kids here today at one point), there is rarely time enough to do anything all at one time. God has been at work in me in this area of my life, and some days.....I'm making progress; other days.....well, not so much.
All or nothing thinking even tries to translate into keeping this blog. I feel like I should be able to post often with well-written entries, or I shouldn't be blogging at all. I am working to be okay with only posting when it doesn't interfere with my primary responsibilities of being a wife, mom, and teacher. With all that is going on with my family and my job, posting on this blog just doesn't need to take time away from those more important areas. So, I'm sorry it is so long between posts, but that's just the way it's got to be right now. I've got to be okay with doing little bits when I can. Just because I can't blog everyday doesn't mean that I have to give it up all together. It doesn't have to be all or nothing; sometimes life just is what it is, and we need to do the best we can to simply manage it and be in the moment.