A Grief Revisited

I am always quick to share what a blessing, privilege, responsibility, and joy it is to be called to serve as pastors.  And I am so grateful for the grace-giving churches in which the Lord has allowed us to serve.  God is so good.

However, sometimes in ministry, there are roads that we are asked to walk alone.  (Loneliness is the number one issue pastor's and their wives say they struggle with.)  There are hard paths upon which the Lord allows us to walk so that we can truly experience the truth that HE is enough and HE understands, even though someone else may not.   There are lessons to be learned, fears to be faced,  character flaws to be recognized and acknowledged,  growth to be experienced, and truth, forgiveness, and grace to be learned in the process.  

I am not saying that all the paths we find ourselves on are God's will because we are sinful people living in a sinful world, and we simply cannot control what other people choose.  Sometimes in ministry, we simply find ourselves on a path that we do not want to be on.  However, I believe that God can redeem absolutely everything in our lives, and sometimes (probably most often) that redemption is a process that takes place over time, not in the blink of a tear-filled eye.

Today, circumstances allowed me to come face to face with a grief that I am unable to share.  It is a grief that I have experienced over a period of years, and although I have seen the Lord work greatly in me through this grief, it is still there.  Today's situation allowed the depth of that grief to again bubble up.  I don't think that's a bad thing, but it is a hard thing.  In fact, I would go so far as to say the circumstance today was a gift in an odd sort of way.  It was a gift to again acknowledge how much this "thing" meant to me.  I think grief is the truest expression of how much we have loved and maybe today, I just needed to be reminded of that love.

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